Someone on Facebook said that oh no, she finds it much easier to make friends as an adult since she no longer cares if people like her or not. She also says there are plenty of single people out there who want to hang out.
She and I live in very different milieux.
What I find it that it’s more difficult than it was when you had classes with people roughly your age with roughly the same interests, with whom you could fall into a going-to-coffee routine, or a studying routine, or a going-out-and-drinking routine, or whatever. And I also find that most of the people I meet are partnered, and from observation I’ve seen that partnered women are less likely to ditch their SOs and go out with their female friends for anything other than a daytime excursion than partnered men are to ditch their SOs and go out at night with their buddies.
That’s probably not true across the board, but from the partnered women I know I hear tales of their guys going out without them, but they never either tell me of going out without the guys or, indeed, go out with me without the guys.
The thing is, I don’t want to join a club or a group or something. A book club was suggested, which is a bad idea for me. I tried one once and it didn’t go well, as I should have guessed since I don’t care for genre fiction of any kind, except maybe mysteries sometimes, and my attempts to suggest serious literary fiction were met with subdued enthusiasm, shall we say. Also, I don’t want another obligation (“Book club Thursday at 7:30! Must read book first!”) or a recurring appointment I must keep. I just want friends with whom I can hang out, or go do one-off, non-über-organized things.
I may have to give that idea up and either decide that solitude (broken up by rare episodes of socializing when one of my partnered friends can get away) is the way to go, or that I have to take on obligations of the “club” variety in order to make some new friends.
I know I’ve said this before — maybe here, maybe not — but I used to watch Friends and think that although I wouldn’t like people barging into my apartment without knocking (and I’d lock my door), I yearned for a group of friends who all knew, liked, and socialized with each other. Obviously that was idealized, but I had a version of that in high school, when I was in Rainbow and my good friends were either also in Rainbow or in Job’s or DeMolay. It was a bigger group, of course, comprising at least one Rainbow Assembly, a Bethel, and both local and area DeMolay guys, and we weren’t all best buds, but there was a lot of common socializing both via our Masonic youth groups and outside but with the same group. My first real boyfriend (who turned 50 on Saturday! Ye gods! He was older than I was but still) was a DeMolay guy, and all our common friends were in the Masonic family.
But now I’m an adult and I need to find a new way. When I was married I was okay with hunkering down with my husband. Before that, most of my friends were single, so much more available. Now… it’s tough. I’m at a bit of a loss. Hopefully I can figure something out because while I do not want to be busy every night of the week (how exhausting), I am a little tired of the status quo.
(Don’t suggest joining Eastern Star based on the above. I actually can, now that they admit Rainbow Majority Members, but I am way too far to the left. When I was in high school, politics didn’t really matter so much and we certainly didn’t discuss them at your average DeMolay Sweetheart Ball, you know?)